tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5085424831045018780.post1003901760199075059..comments2013-03-06T21:40:51.111-06:00Comments on Our Journey Together: Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06942887434190808905noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5085424831045018780.post-30957008320955307732013-03-06T21:40:51.111-06:002013-03-06T21:40:51.111-06:00Hi Jen,
First, let me say thank you for saying so...Hi Jen,<br /><br />First, let me say thank you for saying something. I appreciated your honesty & your comment! <br /><br />Second, I am truly so very sorry for your struggle to have a baby. No two stories are alike- so while I do have an idea of what it's like to wait, I don't know what it's been like for you to have to wait. Because it's your story- and it's highly personal & tragic & beautiful- all wrapped together. I hope & pray one day that the struggling comes to an end & you find your arms full with a child. I really, really do. <br /><br />Third, I am so incredible sorry anyone has ever made you feel like you need to just "suck it up" and deal with your struggle privately. That is horrible to me. I hope your friends & family & church are a safe place for you to be vulnerable with this very important & precious part of your life.<br /><br />I think a lot of times people don't talk about infertility or miscarriages or loss because we just don't know how to. We live in such a feel good culture that we don't know how to mourn. We don't know how to mourn privately or publicly. So when someone asks you, "Hey how ya doing?" in passing- the response is almost always, "Fine, how are you." Not, "I'm horrible." I think we think it's awkward to talk about how we honestly are doing when we're going through something that's just truly horrible. The social norms are very unbalanced: talk about things worth celebrating or complain & commiserate- but don't talk about earnest pain. Gut-wrenching sorrow. That goes too far. <br /><br />Which is so ridiculous.<br /><br />We need to be able to share all aspects of life- but then again- I think everyone sets boundaries for themselves as well. The women I personally know & love that are walking through infertility don't publicly share it. They share it with me and the women at my church but it's not on their Facebook status updates or anything. I'm not totally sure of why this is- but I don't push them to share it with more people than they want. I know for me, with other areas in my life that are painful, I talk about those with a select few because I trust them & I know I'm safe with them. <br /><br />When I was waiting to become a mother I promised myself I'd remember the pain & sorrow that brought me there. I promised myself that I'd not be a stumbling block to anyone else. But then my daughter was finally here & it became very, very difficult to not celebrate that in such a deep way. My family & good friends do not live in Chicago so for me- blogging, Facebook & Instagram are my way to share with them that joy. That joy of my long awaited & prayed for daughter. And yet- I feel the tension every time I post something anywhere- the burden that maybe someone on the other end sees it & is hurt by it. I'm so sorry if I have hurt you in any way. That was never my intent. <br /><br />Awhile ago this blogger did a beautiful & heart wrenching series on her journey with infertility- I thought I'd share it with you in case it brings any kind of encouragement: http://weyamwhatweyam.blogspot.com/search/label/infertility<br /><br />Take care,<br />Kirra Kirrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13087806734364787042noreply@blogger.com