Maine!

My little sister Kristi casually reminded me this week that I hadn't updated my blog in over a month. Whoops! I hate that it's been that long, but sometimes I don't know what's worse: the fact that I haven't updated it or the amount of things that have happened during that time that I will need to write about. But I have some extra time this afternoon which doesn't happen often so I'm just going to suck it up and do some writing for Kristi and anyone else who happens upon my blog.

My most favorite thing that's happened since I last wrote was Jason and my trip to Maine! "Why Maine?" you may ask, and that's a great question. Honestly, we randomly saw some pictures of it online, found really cheap tickets and figured why not? We wanted to do a little trip for our one year wedding anniversary and preferably something completely different from our honeymoon in Cancun. Both places are astoundingly beautiful but in completely different ways. Cancun showcases sandy beaches as far as you can see, crystal clear water and a distinct upbeat energy. Maine offers a rugged coast, mountains and a relaxed, peaceful vibe. We loved both and are so glad we had the opportunities to visit the two places.


Our trip started in Portland, which we flew into. We then rented a car and drove up the coast of Maine to Bar Harbor. On our way up we decided we would take the "long route" and drive through all the cute, little harbor towns and it was so fun! It was so beautiful there and the scenery was breathtaking.

Taking a break during on drive in Belfast, Maine.

Once in Bar Harbor we stayed at the most precious, charming bed and breakfast. If anyone is headed in that area I would absolutely recommend Acacia House Inn. The innkeepers were so welcoming and gracious and don't get me started on the food...it was absolutely incredible!! I
dream about their blueberry pancakes. Amazing.

I think probably our most favorite part of our trip was all the time we spent in Acacia National Park. It was so gorgeous and we had a blast hiking for hours! I thought I'd hiked before but this was on a whole new scale. We were literally climbing over boulders, going up mountains and scaling cliffs! It was so fun because it was something we'd never done together but something we found we really, really loved to do.

Jason showing off on the huge rock he climbed!

The view from Gorham Mountain, the first mountain we've ever climbed!

Mountain top kisses are some of the very best! :)

We also had a chance to go out whale watching, which was also very, very fun! It was over a three hour trip on this huge three story boat. Once we got out into deeper waters we started the search for whales. Jason was the first to spot them coming up from a dive and exhaling at the surface.


A finback whale coming up to the surface!

We followed the group of four whales for about an hour watching them come up to the surface and then dive back down. It was honestly a bit surreal watching this enormous animal so close to you. It was an experience we'll never forget!

In the bow of the boat watching for whales!

We ended up going back to Acacia park for a second time during our trip to do some more hiking. This time we decided to do one of the harder hikes which went straight up a cliff! Now I knew going into our marriage that Jason didn't like heights but I had no clue how much. The trail we chose was a little crazy...it was very narrow and there were parts where they had put metal bars into the side of the cliff and you used them to climb up. It wasn't normal hiking; it was a full body workout! I thought I would be a good wife and encourage Jason as we climbed but he would tell me not to talk to him and refused to watch me because it apparently made his heart race! After we made it safely to the top, he told me he had second thoughts while climbing but knew he had to do it rather then face my teasing! haha!

Soaking it in at the top!

This is the view from the top of our mountain. We joked during our climb that the pictures could never do it justice...and it really doesn't. Notice the small parking lot in the center though and how tiny the cars look!

The view from Cadillac Mountain, the biggest mountain in the park. We didn't have time to climb up this one...but we'll be back to conquer it!

It was an amazing trip! I don't think we realized how much fun we would have and how much we would love it there, but it definitely became our little heaven on earth. What a great way to celebrate a fantastic first year of marriage!

This year has brought a lot of change and challenges...but it was great. We are stronger and more in love then ever! One thing about marriage is that it's a challenge and it has pushed me to be a better woman then I knew I could be. Jason has encouraged and supported me this year in the most intimate and special ways. He's my rock and I am so incredibly blessed by him.

Here's to 50 more years!

So Thankful..

So thankful...for a husband that I can tell all my deepest secrets and concerns to. He's someone that not only knows good things about me, but he's someone I can confess my struggles to. Yesterday I wrote my post while Jason was at work and when he came home I told him through tears the concerns of my heart. He is such a good listener and never makes me feel like my thoughts are trivial. In fact, sometimes I think he thinks my opinions are more important then I even do.

He didn't just listen though (which would have been enough) but he helped me see things from a different perspective and shared wisdom with me about forgiveness and ideas about how I could make things better. How I could be a better person. Now that's a good man.

Last night we went out for Mexican food in what we thought was a popular restaurant but ended up having the entire place to ourselves! I'm not sure how we even got on the topic of our wedding but we were laughing till we cried about some of our favorite memories. One of the things I told him was how before we were married, I never had any second thoughts but I just always hoped that I was really making the right decision. Relationships are risky, they should be a calculated risk, but are still risky nonetheless. One thing that I have gone back to again and again in our marriage is how blessed I am that I married Jason. I've made such terrible relationship choices in the past that I can't even fully express how thankful I am that (a) I found Jason and (b) he wanted to marry me! His presence in my life is a continual expression of God's grace in my life.

I am the luckiest girl in the world. :)

Don't you hate it when you learn things about yourself that aren't good? You want to be in denial and have the hardest time believing that you really act, think, do those things...but when it comes down to it, you do. So now what?

I just figured out that I have a hard time with internalizing things that bother me. When things hurt or offend me, I don't address the issues but instead I bury them in a deep, dark place within me hoping that they'll somehow disappear. I don't know why I'm continually surprised that the pain is still here and the wounds are still fresh.

The clearest example of this is from a relationship I had in college that left me, for a lack of a better word, damaged. I've gotten over the bad things that happened and have emotionally healed, but the things that haunt me are the things that I never said to him. The things that he deserved to hear because I don't feel like he truly know how he made me feel. Even now as I write this I feel so angry at him but more at myself for not getting everything off of my chest and leaving with regrets. But it's over now. So, so over. I haven't talked to him in years and quite honestly, I really don't want to talk to him. But I also don't know what to do with these feelings.

And now there's a newer relationship in my life that I can already recognize these problems beginning. It's a relationship that is supposed to be good, but it really isn't. And little things keep happening that I don't know if they are intentionally hurtful, but really are. It's so hard to try to keep a positive attitude and outlook towards a person when things never change. But like my other relationship, I've never confronted the situation and now too much time has past and it seems pointless to bring things up. What I should have been able to shrug off has now become the foundation for an ugly problem.

I wish I knew what to do and how to stop feeling this way. I don't want to be someone who holds grudges, that is such an ugly characteristic. I want to be able to have open, free, healthy relationships. More importantly, I don't want to have people in my life that make me feel like that. Whenever I talk to Jason about this newer relationship he always says "why do you keep trying? You know how it is, maybe you just need to let it go." And maybe he's right. But I can't help but want things to work out.

In case you're wondering...I didn't quit my blog! I didn't even mean to take this long of a break. We've been having computer issues with our wonderful Mac and are currently a one computer household. That may seem adequate for a couple, but with Jason taking two classes right now my computer time is limited. Not complaining though! He's so close to being done and anything he needs to accomplish it is a done deal.

Soo here's some of the things I've meant to write about:

• Went to my first Cubs game IN Wrigley Field. Fabulous. :) Pictures to follow...when the Mac is back in working order. Lord knows I'm not posting pictures that haven't had a tan edited into them.

• Work has been...interesting. I have been truely blessed with an incredible job, and one of the things that I love most about being a nanny is the unpredictability of each and every day. It's exciting to come into work and know that today will not be like yesterday. I've only been in this position for a few months but we're family. They have gone through several major life changes since I've arrived and it has made us so close. I honestly never thought I'd be so glad for all the psychology classes I took.

• This summer I have been learning what it means to truly love someone. It has been daunting to say the least. It's so easy to love the pretty, likeable and put together part of people but it's not enough. When you say you love someone, it has to be all of them; love doesn't get to pick and choose. This paragraph could really be a full-on post, but I'm running out of time so this is a brief summary. More later.

There's so much more I would like to write but nap time is almost over so I need to be brief. Hopefully the Mac will be up and running soon so my blog can be little more active!

Let me just first say: thunderstorms are way more exciting when your husband is home. When it's just you and your hyper puggle at home, it's just plain scary! I have the weather on right now, muted of course. I think that the only real solution right now is a fresh cotton candle, needtobreathe on pandora and my blog.

It's finally time to try and relax for a few minutes, put my feet up and clear my mind.

What a craaazy week....

I am so ready for the weekend! Work has just been so busy this week and I am ready to relax. I am always so grateful for any extra hours but yesterday I worked a twelve hour day and I'm still recovering. No matter how much you love the children you nanny, twelve hours is looong. Speaking of the kids, I have the privilege to take care of and love on two of the most precious girls! This week I was discussing my having kids with Serena, the older of the two, and how many I should have. I thought I should maybe have four but she decided I should probably just have two since I'd end up taking care of four anyways with her and Cambrya. :) Last night I left their house to the shouts of "I love you Jen! love you!" Now, how may nannies get that?! I'm blessed, I tell ya.

If I'm going to write about being blessed (how good am I at these transitions?!), I absolutely have to mention Jason. Without going into many details, something that he has been working so diligently at has hit a major speed bump. All of his plans and hopes are being shifted and completely changed. They say that you see a person's true colors when they are put under pressure. I feel like I'm seeing Jason's blossom in front of me.

Of course he's going to be frustrated. Discouraged. Bummed. Etc. Etc. Etc.

But I'm watching him pick himself up, dust himself off and figure out his plan b. He's building up his strength and confidence and he'll be back at it. And that's one of the reasons why I love him. He is such a phenomenal man and he never quits.

Blessed.